Conversations in the Time of Covid #5

What does the word 'numb' mean to you right now?

GEMMA: It means a state I find myself purposefully seeking out a lot more than usual.  

SUSIE: I noticed I've been using alcohol to numb myself. And that I can convince myself that I really “need” it.

MELISSA: I have felt this numbness over the past months, it’s a sense of dense inability (or want to) do anything but in a more fruitless way, almost post-dread. I usually like to shake it away if possible, simply moving to another room, a small action, looking outside a window, drinking a big glass of water, noticing this external to myself.

BECK: I used to think there was a spectrum of bad things that happen, and everyone felt the same about the spectrum of “bad” situations. I realise now that there is a spectrum of how people think and respond to bad things. I am so overloaded with consuming news of horrific violence, racism, human rights abuses, power imbalance, inequality, wealth hoarding, poverty… This makes me feel numb.

How have you felt in your body today or recently?

GEMMA: I often feel that my body isn’t attached to my head. 

SUSIE: Just heavy.

MELISSA: Day 1 in hotel quarantine and back in Australia. I’m taking it all quite gently on myself and allowing myself to land. I had vivid dreams all night and have rolled out my yoga mat with plans to do 40 minutes yoga with Travis later and some Rasa meditations after lunch. There are mirrors everywhere here which can be daunting, I’m feeling dense and craving movement.

PS. After a yin yoga session and lunch and feeling the strength of a body that got me to where I am. 

BECK: My body is angry at me. I feel tense. The past few months I have had this urge to hibernate and be less active which is unusual for me but I know that my body and spirit thrives when I am moving especially when practicing yoga but alas, i accept the angst. 

Where have you noticed space/s open up (spiritually or physically or emotionally)?

GEMMA: I’m observing a lot more honesty and vulnerability especially in my workplace and the local community. 

SUSIE: I’ve moved house so am physically setting up a new home space, but I’ve been therapeutically working through a lot, having moved cities while processing heartbreak. So, frankly, this enforced solitude has allowed me to really expand into my truest form. 

MELISSA: There has been more of a sense of connection with others in a shared experience, particularly in daily life. This has led into more of a realisation of connection. I’ve been more open with others. I am enjoying this as I notice it more.

BECK: Emotionally I have felt an expansion. Due to the current circumstances I have been pushed to really show up to my feelings. As an introvert, a sensitive person, and someone who would prefer to take things slowly and enjoy quiet time, ironically,  it is easier for me to push my emotional life to the back ground. But in these circumstances where I find myself at home 24/7, I have accepted that emotions will arise and I need to feel all the feels to evolve.

Conversations in the Time of Covid #4

What is of LEAST value to you right now?

GEMMA: Nostalgia. I’ve recently found myself nostalgic for things I wasn’t even part of in the first place! There’s probably a German word for that.

SUSIE:  The concept of "an office" (but not the communal aspects of an office).

MELISSA: The LEAST value to me right now (writing this from hotel quarantine) is hype. In the words of our grand-god-fathers of hip-hop, Public Enemy, ‘Don't believe the hype’.

BECK: Things. I wasn’t a big consumer of things anyway but I realise having my basics needs covered in a situation like this: food, shelter, water, sleep, love, everything else is a bonus. It also makes me intensely aware of others who for various reasons go without the basics. 

Are you surprised by your reactions and behaviours to the situation? Why, or why not? 

GEMMA: Yes, I’m surprised by how up and down I am. Having worked from home for the last five years, I didn’t think I relied as heavily as I do on everyday human interaction and on “having a light at the end of the tunnel.” 

But also, I’m not surprised because I’m a natural planner and like to have a notion of where I’m headed. Chaos doesn’t really suit me but luckily, I live with someone who was built for it and is helping me navigate the situation with kindness and patience.

SUSIE: Not really. I think humanity has responded in its typical way, and it's reinforced the notions of 'critical mass' and 'common sense'.

MELISSA: I was in Vietnam when it all came to the fore in January. The country quickly went into lock down and I was working with a large team of people and we had to strategise and adapt. The situation changed literally every hour, we were getting changing directives from the Government. A lot of my reactions were around safety, and health of people and myself. There were many highs and lows. A grieving process. I was quite down last year and the COVID situation shook me out of that and I felt I wanted to be alive. I was super conscious of my health, I’d had a killer flu in January that may well have been COVID and was aware of the precarious nature of all we are and have. 

BECK: Yes I am. From the beginning, I thought I would do more exercise, yoga, meditation and would have an indestructible daily routine. However, reality is messy. Living and working from home is hard. After a lifetime of conforming to a specific structure of living and working it is a challenge to pause and evaluate. After the initial shock wore off and I could purge the old operating system, I found it kind-of thrilling to be in a time of upheaval. The positives of this time is hearing and seeing more diverse voices and content; spending more time with family; seeing the environment flourish; witnessing people everywhere connect with their values. 

Conversations in the Time of Covid #3

Can you share one link that describes what you want a post-COVID world to look like?

SUSIE: I don’t know what it will look like. But I hope it sounds like this. 

MELISSA: I can’t as it is still so fluid. I’m not sure yet if there will be a ‘post-COVID’ world. Perhaps it is something that will always be there, or at least similar such experiences. 

The Pandemic takes over so many aspects of our lives as many people (most of us!) are pressed into a sense of survival mode. What is one thing you do daily as your routine or thinking to contribute to your ‘non-Pandemic’ world?

GEMMA: With a son in Year 11, it’s been really important to try and stick to a routine in support of his home schooling which is often easier said than done, as it’s so easy to slip into boredom and lethargy when you’re sitting in front of a screen all day, it’s raining and you can’t see your friends. This time around, I’m focussing on the little things I can do to create a peaceful environment. For example, every morning I sneak into his work room, turn the heater on and leave on his desk a glass of water, a little platter of snacks and a note with a stupid saying. For myself, I’m trying to make it onto the yoga mat everyday, even if it’s just for 5 minutes, and have also gotten into the habit of having a bath when I finish work. A wet commute! 

SUSIE: I'm really averse to the idea of a routine. I have an arsenal or a toolkit of things/thoughts that make up my world, and I use these elements to shape my days. It gives me the illusion of spontaneity.

I work 4 days a week, so I have some more balance between my non-Pandemic world and my work world, where there tends to be more impact from the Pandemic. That extra day I have to myself allows me to do my own projects, switch off, go into my own head, go into the world, sleep ... escape.

I have some mental routines separating my work life from my home life, and I'm really thankful for them. They're not consistent, but they basically consist of doing [something] before work, whether it's making coffee, going for a walk/jog/bike ride, doing yoga or meditating, doing a crossword. I have a big list to choose from. It might just be doing dishes or listening to the radio. 

Similarly at the end of the day I put a shawl over my computer monitor. I never check emails after I log off for the day or over the weekend.

MELISSA: Daily meditation and yoga are vital as even in peak anxiety Pandemic days these practices can seem like they don’t even touch the edges. 

BECK: I believe in visualisation and collective consciousness so every day I make sure I put an affirmation in the thought jar. These include a kind, just, sustainable world.

What is of most value to you RIGHT NOW?

GEMMA: Connection.  I was going to preface that with “human”, but we quite recently adopted a dog and I’m blown-away by the connection, be it physical or otherwise, that we can have with another species.  Also, intuition and humour. Vulnerability. 

SUSIE: Probably that shawl!

MELISSA: My connections to self and others. However we are able to maintain this. 

BECK: I want all the people I love (myself included) and people I don’t know to stay healthy and safe from the COVID-19 virus but also from the virus of hatred, racism and violence. 

Conversations in the Time of Covid #2

[image by Melissa Delaney, Covid Meditation, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, 2020]

In a pre-COVID world people took pride in being busy. What do you think the new busy will be in a post-COVID world?

GEMMA: It’s not a million miles away from ‘busy’ but I’m observing a lot of pride around being agile and nimble. I think we have to be so careful of knee-jerk reactions though, give ourselves time to properly process what is going on. 

SUSIE: I'd like to think that post-COVID world will allow us to think beyond neo-liberal, capitalist models of constant productivity. Especially as we've seen how society runs off our 'essential' workers in retail, care and construction industries. But I don't believe it will.  We've already seen a desire to move past the difficulty that the Pandemic presented, the light it shone on the uglier, more uncomfortable aspects of our lives. I think along with many other pretences of normal life, people will return to being 'busy'. 

MELISSA: The busy bees have continued to be busy bees during the Pandemic.  With a lot of unnecessary content creation and noise. While people scramble to show worth, it’s interesting one of the standouts has been the kids of Tik Tok organically entering into a playful space which has soon become political globally. 

As I currently live alone, I can’t comment on what the situation might be for a family, or people living in partnership and also working with children. I’m sure that brings a whole lot of different challenges.

For me personally I dumped the busy thing from my lexicon and philosophy a few years back. I prefer to make space, to peel back. Counter intuitively this as a practice has allowed me to set better boundaries and to be more productive. I’m a fan of lists and like to have a few key targets a day work wise. For me it’s about self-worth and health and I’m satisfied with intrinsic value. I’ve had ‘busy’ work in the past where I’ve been constantly riding on unnecessary stresses and it is not healthy or sustainable in the long term. I see myself more as a marathon runner, in for the long haul. The Pandemic has reiterated for me the importance of making choices that serve my health and wellbeing ultimately linking to a robust immune system. If i am run-down and erratic I begin to fray at the edges which doesn’t help anyone.

I’m hoping employers will be genuinely flexible in work patterns. For example the tech co Atlassian has recently announced their staff able to ‘work from home forever’ and that they are focussing more on ‘outcomes, not clock hours’ https://www.afr.com/technology/atlassian-lets-its-staff-stay-at-home-forever-20200807-p55jhx

At the beginning of the Pandemic earlier this year (2020) I know a few people working for large firms in traditional workplaces (engineering, law etc) had bosses who were saying they HAD TO come to the office to work despite government directives not to. Their work could easily have been done from a well-equipped home working space. The bosses shifted later in the heightened lockdowns and actually changed their views when they gained trust and saw their teams were delivering their work from home. We all know people in the work=place who sat at a computer all day in the office and didn’t work. Where we are physically located and how our days are structured is now open up to more. 

BECK: The antithesis of busy would be inactive and in a lot of ways I think people will become inactive in outdated systems and will focus on cultivating their core values such as family life; social equality; human rights and care for the environment.

Conversations in the Time of Covid #1

Do you think this Pandemic has shifted people’s imagination of what leadership could be? Will people seek out and support kind, ethical and diverse leaders?

GEMMA: I would love that to be the case! It seems we humans have a very binary, parental approach to leadership, especially when we’re scared – it’s either the assertive, uncompromising masculine defender or the accommodating, nurturing feminine protector. We need to start thinking in less black and white terms and explore the options in between and on top and underneath and unseen and upside down and over there and right in front of us. 

SUSIE: I don't think it's shifted imagination. I think the spotlight on the Pandemic has provided existing leaders an unequalled platform that they may or may not have deserved. I think the panic and fear of the masses has enabled those in power to flex their didactic muscles, provide something known, stable and consistent. It's reduced political dialogue to almost zero.

MELISSA: Leadership for me is less about one person and more about people working together. I’d like to see political leadership become more distributed. One where the outdated political dichotomy shifts into something grounded in firm shared values. Watching political actors these days seems farcical and almost like I’m watching the last gasp of something dying. 

Leadership for me is wider than iconoclising one particular human who may publicly exhibit traits we admire. Humans are well trained to abdicate power to others. How we work collaboratively and explore the notions of more distributed models of leadership interests me. 

BECK: I think people have been jolted out of reality as they know it and need to think differently. I believe we will see more everyday leaders stepping forward who still feel the ground beneath their feet and are embedded within their communities. Power as we know will disperse and become less ego driven. This reminds me of a Jacinda Ardern quote that sums up leadership now, perfectly: 

“I really rebel against this idea that politics has to be a place full of ego and where you're constantly focused on scoring hits against each one another. Yes, we need a robust democracy, but you can be strong, and you can be kind.” 

eX de Medici and Geoff Osstling | interview by Melissa DeLaney

This week as I was sorting through my papers, I came across this interview I did with artist eX de Medici as part of a postgraduate research project I was working on around ritual in art. At the time (which was the late 90s) I was working with performance art, blood, ritual and art as process and documenting a lot of these performances via text.

I stumbled across eX’s work when I was at the National Gallery of Australia (NGA) visiting an exhibition called Transmissions: archiving HIV/AIDS, Melbourne, 1979-2014 curated by Michael Graf and Russell Walsh in 1994. Having experienced at the time a number of close friends contracting HIV and dying of AIDS, this exhibition was a poignant and raw insight.

It was eX’s work in the show that caught my interest. She was a well known (underground tattooist) in addition to being an artist and her work was a series of cottonwool patches with blood prints of tattoos on them. These were the bandages that she had placed on people following tattooing them, and like a potato cut, the imprint of the bloodied image ghosted onto the cottonwool.

Years later I went to a print symposium at the NGA and she was once of the speakers/exhibitors. She presented a man, a man covered in tattoos on almost the whole of his body excepting his face. He was another component of her life’s work. This standing, breathing work of art presenting to an audience of hundreds of people. I raised my hand and asked, “What will you do with your skin when you die?” The man was happy to answer this as he’d already been working with the Curators at the gallery to ensure that upon his death, his skin would become part of the collection.

I wanted to find her, to talk with her, to have her tattoo me. I never did find her personally, but I tracked down her address and we had a mail exchange and she was happy for me to interview her. Here is that interview.

MD: How Do Your Ideas Come to You?

As tattooing is a collaborative form, the ideas are and must inherently be, those of the individual whose tattoo will (eventually) walk with them for the rest of their days. If there is a requirement for refinement or research of the person’s ideas I will pursue the idea further. I tattoo a lot of artists who have their own drawings and quite often follow those drawings to as close a truthful rendition as possible. I try not to be too influential in the process of choosing unless the person is stuck, or in a quandary about how an idea could be executed.

MD: Once you have an idea, how do you process the ideas and work them through into the ‘art’?

As part of the initial consultation, quite often I will photograph the place on the body where the tattoo will reside, take notes, quite often from word associations, preference in ‘taste’ or specific ideas from the person (the tattooee!).

While designing, I work at home where I can concentrate and live with the design myself. I will quite often want to make changes after I have drawn something up. If the image requires research, I will consult my own resources, which are quite extensive, the National Library can be invaluable at times particularly for Australian flora and botanical references. Very occasionally I use the Internet, as sources are often questionable at best.

When I feel comfortable with the design, it will either be faxed to the tattooee, or they will view the completed drawing to ensure that our ideas and execution are running parallel.

MD: What compels you to a certain medium/process?

I am compelled to ensure that where we go with a tattoo is not a regrettable place. The fact that the image we arrive at will exist with the wearer for their lifetime (a relatively short time by the way!) and that it is true to them makes the consultative process imperative.

MD: If your art involves working with other people, how is this incorporated into your ‘personal’ ritual?

Work itself is the ritual. Whether as process (ie. meeting > preparation > design) or the actual point of application of the tattoo (which comes with its own specific agenda). The rituals associated with executing/performing a tattoo have become part of my practice as an artist, not different or isolated from it.

I tattoo a Murri woman from the Northern Territory who believes that gubbas separate life and ritual, instead of everything being part of a ritualised life, ie. Breath, eating, getting out of bed, preparation of food etc…

MD: What happens once your art is made? Who is it for? What is it for?

When the tattoo is completed, it gets out of the chair and walks away, into its own life.

I maintain my original drawings as a point of reference, and a kind of ‘proof’ that the brief moment of collaboration actually existed.

Each design is for that specific individual, their unique experience, quite often encrypted with layers of meaning. The full implication of those layers known and understood only by the wearer. It is an impossible task to homogenise any of the vast and diverse group are the ‘tattooed’. As to the whys and what fors, it could even be as untested and outrageous to suggest that the desire to be tattooed is inherited through the genes, as much as it is to suggest that the ‘untouchable’ classes of all races are the tattooed class, ie. criminals, bikers etc…

MD: Are you conscious of any ritual taking place in the whole process?

The tattoo act itself is heavily ritualised in both antique and contemporary terms.

The tattoo is recognised as a prehistoric action, by early archaeological finds and data, a nomadic inscription of place, time, food sources etc…It exists through a moment of realisation of the self, of change and of mapping human, cultural experiences, of personal mythmaking. It requires a relinquishing of the body to another’s care (albeit briefly) to discomfort (and at times agony), our most precious inheritance, the blood, is let.

The other aspect, as contemporary ritual is somewhat more banal, but necessary, that of careful and sterile preparation of instruments to ensure a healthy arrival of the mark.

Because you sometimes work with the human body in a highly symbolic and permanent way …

This is a thought which regularly terrifies me, but I take the greatest precautions to ensure that our collaboration is true. It is such a powerful and empowering medium, it indicates our very morality, our humanity, and inner lives. It must be true to the person.

MD: What gives your life/or your art meaning?   Living.

You can find out more about eX here: https://www.sullivanstrumpf.com/artists/ex-de-medici/

Gentrification with Alan Weedon

Alan Weedon is a photographer and writer known to many in the literary and art scenes of both Melbourne and Sydney. Knowing his connection to Melbourne’s western suburbs, we thought it would be pertinent to invite Alan to photograph our Speak Easy at Festival of Live Art event, which took place at Footscray Community Art Centre. Spurred on by the topics of conversation at the Speak Easy table, Alan opened up to us about some of his experiences growing up in Melbourne’s west. Beck Pope revisited these themes with Alan in the interview below.

BP: We recently spoke about your experience of our event as the official photographer and also your impressions of someone who had spent a chunk of their life in Footscray. I was moved by what was coming up for you throughout the event through observing and leaning-in to conversations to capture moments. Can you share some of those big thoughts again?

Whenever stories about Footscray’s gentrification happen in ‘high brow’ contexts such as FOLA or a writers’ festival, the biggest emotion I feel is one of anger. This Speak Easy event was no different. Conversations in these contexts ostensibly happen with its most important voice—the marginalised who are either in the process of being pushed out (usually at a time where the services they’ve sorely needed for years have finally come online).

I can only speak from my experience growing up in Footscray, Tottenham and West Footscray. The City of Maribyrnong services each of these suburbs, and I still find it weird that the council finally has the income to push towards supporting initiatives such as the ‘festival city’ (of which FoLA plays a part). Anyway, I digress.

I feel this sense of anger stems from two contexts: one being completely selfish and growing up in a Footscray which never had the services and cultural events it has now, while the second is directed to those on the table engaging in big-picture conversations, without actually having experienced the impacts of gentrification on a fine grain level.

As a child, I moved between four houses around Footscray as my parents were renting at the time. I then moved a further two times to the outer western suburbs as rental prices gradually pushed them out of the inner west. So from a very early age I was completely immersed in the complex impacts gentrification has on low socio-economic classes.

In all: I would’ve loved to participate and challenge some of the points I heard throughout the night, but of course that isn’t my place as a photographer. As you said, I was simply there to capture photographic moments.

BP: Gentrification was one of the themes at Speak Easy and we spoke more broadly about the topic. You shared a few of your own experiences both personal and work-related. I got the sense that this is a topic that you have thought deeply about before and hold strong values that often can be hard to reconcile in reality. How is this important to you and the way you see the world currently?

It’s really everything to me. As outlined above, I have a deep personal connection and passion about talking about gentrification. As cities like Melbourne and Sydney transcend into unparalleled affluence, I feel this conversation is incredibly pertinent. In the past few years, bourgeois media outlets such as Broadsheet and The Thousands have highlighted a particular subsection of the gentrification that’s hitting our cities. To be clear: I don’t see gentrification as a belligerent force. It’s completely understandable that people wish to move into areas that are well-serviced with amenities (cultural or otherwise). The trouble is when marginalized communities are forced out of these places into areas with little to no amenities where, based off of demographic data, these people need civic/transport/cultural services the most.

At this point I should say I’m privy to Melbourne’s gentrification, too. However, I don’t feel that people should feel guilty about moving into areas which are close to the city, well serviced, and have some semblance of an organic culture—I feel as though these are the reasons why we move to cities in the first place: there’s layers of history (both good and bad).

But in reality, the trouble is when there seems to be choice between one or the other. I feel we wouldn’t be having these conversations if our cities were well serviced from the get-go (obviously that’s a lot easier said than done).

BP: Personally, I was struck by how engaged participants were when discussing  the themes of place, gentrification and environment. There was a genuine openness to pushing past old ideas or embracing new ones. As a photographer, writer and thinker yourself is this something you push yourself to do all of the time? 

Absolutely (though I may not be conscious of it 24/7).

In my writing, I’ve had a particular knack for researching about place and sustainable urbanism. Melbourne’s had its fair share of urban bungles (especially having grown up in the outer west), and as such it’s this personal history (and my passion for looking at our urban landscapes) which constantly make me drawn to looking at new ways to build community. Essentially this is spent looking at broader cultural narratives: Who are we and what does our sense of place tell us about ourselves? Why am I drawn to certain aesthetic aspects of suburbs? How do I ‘feel’ a suburb? And so on.

I also find the term ‘thinker’ a bit curious. Everybody thinks. I feel it’s been given this high-brow sheen in the realm of writers/arts festivals. Personally, if you’re hustling week-to-week you’re always going to be pushing past old ideas to keep you afloat. There’s a certain luxury in relishing in the ability to be a ‘changemaker’—and I fall prey to that given the relative privilege / education that I now possess.